Make Your Bed

 There is a great Commencement Speech given by US Navy Admiral William McRaven entitled, If you Want to Change the World, Start off my Making your Bed

I didn't need Admiral McRaven to tell me this, but I'll be honest, I don't remember exactly when I put this into practice.  I know I've been making my bed religiously (unless of course I've plans to wash it or I'm in it) daily at least for the past 20 years.  And I don't remember why but I think it might hearken back to his comment that even if my day was shit(my word not his, because...inappropriate)....and believe me, I've had may share of shit days,  I will have started my day with one small task accomplished. 

One.Small.Accomplishment.  Sometimes that is all it takes to spur you on to you're next small accomplishment.  Then your next.  And before you know it, your day if full of that which you didn't think you could accomplish at all, let alone in one day.

But no, worlds don't change from making your bed.  It takes more than that but it STARTS with that.  The world changes from the power of one person.  I'm one person.  You're one person.  What can I do to change my little corner of the world?  I can make my bed, NOT because it's messy, but because it sets me on a path to do the right thing.  You start that by a single success.  Just one.  Which gives you the push to maybe get another success on the books.  Then another.  It's getting to that point where "nothing matters but your will to succeed".  And that has to start somewhere.

I've tried this with my kids over the years.  Trying to help them see that there needs to be a will to succeed and it has to start with THEM.  I can't force that on them, as much as I want to.  It has to come FROM them.  And too often what is really required is that first success.  So when you start out, keep your goals attainable.  Make a list of three accomplishments you want for the day.  It can start with something as simple as make your bed and if that is all that is done then great.  It's a first step to hopefully attaining your goals for the next day, which might be the same goals.  The power of hope starts small until you see it in action.  Once you see hope attained you set your goals a little higher...a little loftier.  And you set about making those goals happen.  With hope.

He's right.  We have to set about getting those little things right, so that you can approach the big things with the same fortitude.  I'm not perfect.  And I still fail, WAY more than I care to admit.  But I really do try to embody many of the characteristics Admiral McRaven speaks of.  Respect for everyone.  This is a tough one especially in light of today's cancel culture.  We can no longer have philosophical difference of opinion.  Now people must be cancelled for not  adhering to group think.  I still have the ability to disagree with you and allow you your opinion regardless of who is right.  But I am now in the minority of that thought process and I find that disheartening.  Life is not fair.  NO...it isn't.  But as he says one's will to succeed is a great equalizer.  I also believe that it needs to be coupled with  perseverance because sometimes there will be setbacks.  What's the saying, something worth having is worth fighting for.  You not only have to fight to succeed, but you have to keep on fighting, especially when the going gets tough.

Face bullies. Stand your ground. Bullies come in all shapes and sizes.   Look in the mirror and remind yourself of that when you see what you think is an injustice, if you have ever contributed to an injustice. And it doesn't have to be THAT injustice. Have you ever treated people without respect because of what you THINK they believe?.  Because of where they are from?  Because of what they do for a living?  Because if you have, you are a bully and part of the problem.  The solution comes when you accept people can be different from you, think different from you, live different from you and still be worthy of respect. We judge people on the content of their character.  Nothing more.  Nothing less.  Character, I think speaks volumes about who we are as an individual.   Ascribing people to one of your "unworthy" boxes, not because of anything they've done, but because they think differently than you makes you a bully.  Now, what are you going to do about it? Open your mind not to what you think but what you KNOW.

Never give up.  SO.MANY.TIMES. I have wanted to give up.  Sometimes, just making my bed in the morning has given me what I need to move forward.   There will be days, and there have been, when I've thought, well, that was a bust, and trod upstairs to my room only to find my made bed and thought, well, it wasn't a complete bust.

Anyone there?

 Hello.

 Is this thing on?

Ok.  I had to start that way.  Because...well, a little Nina Simone.   A little Mike Wazoswki.  Because...me.

So, I've been contemplating this for a while and I thought WTF.  Now's the time you get  to be you.  So, here I am.  In all my glory.

This blog is going to take a radical shift.  Yeah, I'm gonna keep the main parts.  The me.  But it is also going to get down to the nitty gritty.  The REAL me.  Some of you may know it.  Some of you may not.  I'll be brutally honest, this isn't always going to pretty.  This isn't about pretty.  It's about real.  It's about how life really is, not just the parts that we want others to see.  That's easy.  You tie it up in a bow and present it to the internet as what YOU want THEM to see, show others what they think they want to see.  Show them all the shiny side and let the tarnished part be hidden.  Nope.  Not gonna happen.  The good part? You are are not required to partake.  You have this lovely little (x) button in the top right corner of your screen that will allow you to  clutch your pearls and exit...stage left.  And that's fine.  Everyone has a limit.  Even me (although at this point, I'll be honest, I don't know where that line is)

For the rest of you,  this is for you.  This is for you so you know YOU are not alone.  All those things that are floating around in your head, yeah, you are not the only one who thinks THAT.  Be brave.  Be strong.  We've got this.  

For now, hang on. It's about to get real.

Love to all of those who have stuck with me through the years.  I've got my typing fingers back.  But be warned, I'm not wearing gloves.

xoxoxoxoxo 

PS  Because I've deleted my facebook page (I KNOW, right? ), I can't change the badge at the right.  Wish I could.

Philippians 4:13

Sometimes, just when you think you've lost all hope in humanity, your child steps up to the plate and hits it out of the park.  And you get to pat yourself on the back because you know you've had something to do with it.

My middle daughter had some friends over last night and they were in the basement painting.  Kinda like the Paint Nights you see that have become all the rage, but they don't limit themselves to the one painting that everyone else does.  They do their own.  I currently have poppies in my downstairs bathroom, the girls have a jellyfish and a turtle (needs to be hung) in their bathroom.  But this morning, I found this on my kitchen counter:

No request, no suggestion, no nothing.  She just knows that I carry that verse with me everywhere I go.  So she made sure I could wake up to it.

Yup...my kids have proven to me that they are without a doubt my greatest blessings.

A Throwaway Society

I like shiny and new.  I like not being concerned with something breaking and having to fix it. (when you live in a 20 year old house, you just KNOW what's coming soon).  But I also have invested in some things that I considered a lifetime investment:  my dining room set and my bedroom set.  Over the years they've attained a few battle scars (4 kids and it's inevitable), but I still see the beauty in them.  They're solid.  They've been made to last well beyond my lifetime.  They're not really in style, but given the classic nature, they will be again.  So they're something I'll hold onto forever.

Not everything works that way, especially in today's society.  It's all about newer,  shinier, faster, prettier, younger.  That's where I am today.  I am in the process of being thrown away.   23 years of marriage and no warning, just I don't love you and  he had the "promise" of happiness elsewhere (which, to be fair, he let me know that the same happiness was "out there" for me as well).  If you read that the way I heard than then BINGO...you are correct.  Apparently "elsewhere" was living about 7 miles from our house and he has the good fortune to work with "elsewhere". . That was it.  23 years of marriage and he was done, not willing to work on our marriage, although to his credit, he did go to counseling sessions so he could check off that box (that was the assuage the guilt from the kids, because he was there only in body.  Not one effort was made which he readily admits.)


The kids?  Well, he has taken the stance that kids come from divorced families all the time and they turn out fine.  Well, except for that part about being at a higher risk of divorce themselves (can you say cyclic?  I knew you could).  Of course he says that because it makes what he's doing easier.  No repercussions.  At least not immediate ones.  And since he's not in the house (and I can't have him there) he doesn't see the daily turmoil these girls are going through and the way they are expressing their feelings, lashing out at each other.  And if he did see it, he would just write it off as...girls.  

As for me, I'm in a complete fog of emotions that include:  confusion, hurt, anger and fear round out the top 4.  Confusion that for years (apparently) he has been unhappy and never said a word.  Hurt that he is willing to put his family through all this pain, KNOWING he has no moral high ground on which to stand, but willing to do it anyhow.  Anger at him for failing to keep his commitments and for modeling behavior to our daughters, what they can expect from men, for our son, that this is what men do (there's a reason why children of divorces also divorce at a higher rate).  And Fear, that I moved away from my family so that we could raise our kids near his and now, aside from my kids I am alone.  I have been outside of the work force and just barely being back in it, making 1/3 of what he makes (and less than I did when I moved her 20 years ago), having willingly sacrificed those years to raise our children, knowing that the home I spent 20 years making will soon be gone. But I'm working with a church group to wade through this process in a Godly manner.  I've not really succeeded too well thus far but I AM working on it.

So, this has been the most gut wrenching time of my 50 plus years.  But I am counting my blessings.  I have 4 wonderful children who will see their mom model the right behavior.  They've seen me work at trying to put our marriage into a better place while their dad did nothing.  They've seen me honor my commitments made before God.  They've seen me be willing to forgive.  They've seen me show strength when I thought I had none left.  And I probably did.  But I have the Lord walking beside me and I'm sure that strength they saw came from Him.  My faith through this process has never wavered.  THAT's the behavior I want my kids to see, and hopefully my children will see that when you trust in God, He will overcome.  Anything.  Even this.

Silly Me

So, I am officially employed.  I have been for almost 6 months.  Full time.  Benefits included.  It's been quite a transition from SAHMWPTSTFTBOCSBWOB* mostly because it entails a 30 minute commute (on good days, which is why I try to head out early and miss the worst of the traffic (and believe me it can get UGLY).  At one of my early screenings the interviewer let me know that my lack of recent experience wasn't as big of a factor as my ability to mesh with the other team members.  Since I've been here 6 months I'm going to assume that I'm meshing fine.

Anyway, I bring this up because this week, with Christmas less than 2 weeks away, is the Holiday Spirit week. Apparently a holiday committee set up an entire week of fun to celebrate the season, which I think is awesome.  It's a small company (less than 100 ) so they are able to be a bit less politically correct in a world that has gone CRAZY (no...I'm talking LOONY crazy) with political correctness.  So woe be it unto me NOT to participate.

Today, I may have made my first social faux pas.  For today is Pajama Day.  Ever one to go "all in", I debated whether or not to partake in today's festivities to the extent of wearing pjs to work.  OH, I wouldn't have worn the footie one's (I need to break the company in first), but I do have a few pair that would be comfy without  offending.  To show I'm a joiner.  They're a small leopard print on cotton knit with a henley thermal shirt.  I even brought my slippers.

I also am one of the first 10 to be into the office.  So, I am safely ensconsed with legs under my desk as people arrive.  I mean, as people arrived WITHOUT obvious jammies.  So, I wait thinking SURELY the organizers are going to provide the example by which we are to be judged.  

And guess what?  Apparently everyone wears black yoga pants to bed.  I sat, for the moment safe with legs hidden under my desk, waging an internal battle.  My inner child said NO!  You have followed the spirit of the event.  You are fully covered, you're comfortable, and you are actually wearing PAJAMAS (TMI/FYI with all the appropriate supportive foundations...ahem).  The adult in me actually decided to put in an appearance and said...you came prepared, JUST.IN.CASE.  Be an adult.  Put your jeans on.

One.  I just needed one person who interpreted "pajamas" as "pajamas".  But no.  Not one.
So, I caved.  I grabbed my emergency bag waited until the coast was clear and headed to the restroom to "reconfigure".

I wasn't out to win any contests, but I wanted to show my holiday (and company) spirit by joining in the holiday fun, even if it was silly.

Because silly is my middle name.

Addendum...turns out someone else DID wear jammies.  ONE.

*SAHMWPTSTFTBOCSBWOB Stay at Home mom Working Part Time Some Time Full Time Because of  Changing Seasons But With Out Benefits

Ornaments Without Meaning

OK, I'm just gonna skip over that whole..where have I been, why no posts, yadda, yadda, yadda and dive right into what I'm going to call my new approach to blogging.

So, it's the Christmas season and I have my trees up and lights up but we haven't yet decorated.  Which brings me to the point of this:  what do you do with ornaments that you no longer have an affinity for, or maybe you never did?  I know, as I open my ornament box
(es), that I will come across several of these and I want to know what others do with theirs.

For example.  I have a crab hammer ornament.  An actual wooden crab hammer (unused I think) that was painted with our initials, had tinsel and jingle bells added to it.  It harkens WAY back to our early marriage when we went out with neighbors one night to eat crab,probably sometime around Christmas (which means the hammer was probably stolen too).   We moved away and never remained in contact with the neighbors. Or maybe an ornament that we received from a family member that has my name spelled incorrectly (again, early in our marriage, obviously from a mall kiosk that "personalizes").  Because "Carolyn" is such an unusual spelling.

At any rate, I have quite a few of these ornaments that each year, I pull out and usually fairly rapidly, put back, that just seem to take up space.  I'm not at the point yet where I want to put up a tree of misfit ornaments (SWIDT?), but tossing seems so...final. And yet, I'm starting to feel like the pack rat of ornaments...because CHRISTMAS.

What do you do with your "unworthy" ornaments?

Getting into the Spring of Things

It looks like spring has officially sprung up here in the great white north.  And by that I mean there are no patches of white anywhere *I* can see.  We even have a few patches of "brown trying really hard to turn green" grass.  OH, I'm not holding my breath about not getting another snow because, this is MN and a Final Four snow is almost guaranteed.  BUT, I am attempting to enjoy the weather that is in the 35-70 range, instead of the same 35 degree swing in temperature that is -20 to 15 degrees.  Same change in temp, but I like this one immeasurably more.

For those interested in our Whole30 experiment and the end results...well, I'm gong to say  it was mixed.  Now remember, the point of Whole30 is NOT to lose weight (yeah...right) but to recognize what you put in your body and determine if your body has issues with what might be common "allergens":  wheat, legumes, dairy, sugar, alcohol, etc.  Then you get to decide if you can live with how your body reacts to those "allergens".  Well, I've decided...yes.  I can live with it.  Especially alcohol.  Because...OMG...BEER.  And WINE.  And I went 26 days without either and if you can do math you can see immediately that NO I did not make it the full 30 days.  I'd like to say that "circumstances" conspired against me.  The truth is...I AM WEAK.  And it was Superbowl.  And after making 2 appetizers that completely fit within the rules, I caved at the mention of a gin and tonic with cucumber and lime.  And yet oddly...I felt no regret.  Not even a smidgen. (I think I may have officially deactivated my "Catholic guilt gene").  The mixed results:  personally, I lost about 12-14 lbs (which yes, I DID track daily) and NO I didn't allow my husband to pay me the $10/lb he paid the kids.  I DID start looking at sugar that is in things that I really don't think it needs to be in and have adjusted purchasing some items, even paying a higher price.  I've switched over to higher fat grass fed milk (mostly because we just don't drink that much milk and I think it's worth it).  I'm buying Ezekiel bread (sprouted) for everyday (and really it's not everyday) use.  I'm keeping more fresh fruit and vegetables on hand.  I'm trying to stay away from foods LOADED with preservatives.  I'm attempting to remove canola (highly processed) oil from my cupboard and moving towards less processed oils.  And I think we will probably do this again but not for the 30 (or 26) days but for maybe in 7-9 day increments instead of the full 30, but more frequently (like monthly?).  Because I'll be honest with you...it was (ok, I'm not allowed to use the word "hard") "challenging" (and by "challenging" I don't mean trying to find space in a closet that just isn't big enough...because there are challenges and there are CHALLENGES) and a "challenge" that I simply wan't willing to meet EVERY DAY for 30 (or 26) days.  I actually got TIRED of eggs and bacon (ok...for those who know me, it was really just the eggs...because...BACON), and the banana nut porridge failed to satisfy.  By the end of day 30 (26), I really...no REALLY just wanted pizza.  Like...BAD.  I just haven't figured out when we're going to do it again.  But I can guarantee you my last meal before starting WILL be pizza.

But back to spring.  We have lots to do this spring.  We (and by "we" I mean my husband) are attempting to reorganize our basement and storage area.  We have two work benches, one of which is taking up prime real estate space in our basement and is used to store spare plumbing and electrical thingeys (yes, that IS the technical term) that were used when we finished our basement 12 (TWELVE) years ago.  We also have boxes of college books (guilty) which have quite a bit of mileage, having been transported from Indiana, back to New York, out to California, back to Maryland and finally to Minnesota.  And I can say with 105% certainty that not one of them has been cracked open since the last day that they were used (and NO, I'm not going to say when that was...figure it out yourself).  We have old electrical Christmas decorations that I hesitate using because when I plug them in, they work...but they also get really hot really fast and I suspect are actually a fire hazard.  But they're REALLY neat (like bubblers) and one might think..."surely they can be made safe" without having the electrical background to know where even to start.  Anyway, it's been a slow process but progress is being made.  And the nice part about this is even with so much of the stuff being junk, we actually have a free disposal source available to us.

See...Bloomington has spring clean up.  And depending on how warped you are, you can turn the city event into nightly (usually 2-3 days before the scheduled event) entertainment.  Here is how we do it.  We bring items we wish to dispose of over to the in-laws and place them at the end of the driveway . Then we sit in the lawn chairs just inside the open garage door and take bets on which items will be picked up by "pickers" (people who drive around looking for stuff but not part of the Bloomington pick-up other than they pick up stuff before the Bloomington pick up picks it up) first and fastest.  Bikes?  OH, they go FAST.  Actually, there is rarely anything left from the piles for Bloomington to pick up.  Again, making the adage "one man's trash is another man's treasure" true.  I'm sure other cities do something similar, but the real question is...do people figure out ways to turn the event into nightly entertainment.  The end result, we get our basement cleaned out (or at a minimum, thinned out from excessive hoarding) and someone else becomes the owner/storer of an antique set of Christmas lights.

Lots of "wants/needs" will be happening with all the new space created.  Next on the agenda...prioritize.

And by prioritize of course I mean, I get my way.