Unexpected Accolades

Wednesday, before we left town for yearly Thanksgiving jaunt to Fr. Dicks, I received a phone call.  From the school (or so the caller ID said).  Nervously I answered because, calls from the school usually mean a sick child.  NOT what you need as you're headed out of town.

Wednesday's call happened to be my oldest daughter's Spanish teacher who introduced himself and let me know off the bat, that this was NOT one of "those" calls.  I'm sure you can imagine what "those" calls are even if you haven't been a recipient of one.  The call where your child's teacher expresses a problem with your child that the teacher has been unable to resolve on their own and are seeking your, the parent's, help.  Thankfully, with 4 children, these calls have been few and far between.  Actually, as I think of it, I'm not even sure I have received one, which is NOT to say we haven't had our issues at school, just that a phone call wasn't the method of delivery.

Her teacher let me know that, all too often, the "good" kids in school tend to get "overlooked" as they, the teachers, deal with those who either don't grasp the material or are behavioral issues.  He said that he makes it a point to call the parents of those "good" kids and let them (the parents) know how much he enjoys having their children in his class.    He then proceeded to outline our daughter's behavior in his class:  she comes prepared for class and participates.  She is respectful of him and other students.  She goes beyond the expectations of his class, to the point where she is doing the work of students from his CIS (College in School) class.

These types of accolades from teachers are not rare for this child and yet they always seem to choke me up a bit.  Because in these days of laziness and/or sloth, (and yes, even with THIS child), it's nice to get a little reaffirmation that we are doing something correct.  Oh, make no mistake, this is all about HER and the fact that for some reason, Spanish seems to have sparked a real fire in her (if only I could get her to approach her math classes with the same level of excitement) but I think that as parents, we have instilled in her a desire to do her best, regardless of her level of interest.

So praise of this type is always welcome.  And a nice way to start of our Thanksgiving weekend.

Baby Alive

My oldest daughter is taking a Child Development class (she's a sophomore) in school and it appears this week is her week in "the hot seat" as she brought home her "project" yesterday:  a 12 pound lifelike baby for whom she is responsible.  It is life like only up to a point:  it cries, it eats, it needs to be burped, it has sensors that indicate a diaper change (without an ACTUAL diaper change), it has sensors that indicate that it's neck isn't being adequately supported.  And all these sensors feed a database that tells the teacher how well the child was cared for.

Now, I'm of the belief that the teachers set up "the hot seat" based on a student's schedule and activities. On of her friends played varsity soccer and was responsible for her baby during her soccer season.  My daughter is just gearing up to start her dance season and oh...guess what...she now has the baby.  OK...I GET this that babies, especially with high school students, are NEVER planned (or 99.999% of them aren't), so this needs to hit home.  But I wonder if it couldn't have been done in a more random way (like drawing straws).

Regardless, it has been less than a day and I'm already seeing the positive aspects of this and believe that it really should be mandatory for all high school students, girls AND boys.  She got home from dance practice (one of the managers "babysat" during practice) only to have to feed (half hour) burp (half hour) settle (half hour) and start all over again.  She managed to get some of her homework done during lull periods.  She came up this morning (after less than a full day with the baby) asking if she could skip first hour at school because the baby had her up at 430am for a morning feeding.  I said no.  This is life.  She needs to rename the baby Consequences because sex has consequences.  You don't get to skip school because you're tired.  Just like you don't get to miss meetings in the real world because you didn't get any/enough sleep due to children.  You adjust.  And hopefully you learn.  She should be counting her blessings that, while she is learning a tough lesson, it WILL be over with in a week.  The real thing would have her altering her life for the next 18 years and putting her though emotions that she didn't knew she had AND will never want to experience again.

My only beef with this experiment is the role *I* need to play.  Because she has a dance tournament on Saturday that will entail her being gone ALL DAY, someone has to take responsibility for Consequences.  And because it is a VERY expensive piece of equipment not just anyone, like, say a blonde 10 year old, would be capable of taking responsibility for it.   That leaves me and/or the husband dealing with Consequences.  lt turns into a major catch-22 for me.  I wouldn't mind so much if it were a real baby, because I LOVE babies, even crabby ones.  But since it's not real (THANKFULLY), I'm resentful at MY loss of time and freedom for a piece of plastic (and sensors).

I guess I need to look at this from the end-game position.  If one week of this cements in her head how much work a baby is and how not everyone is going to JUMP at the opportunity to take responsibility while she goes off and does her own thing, then it will be worth it.  At the 12 hour mark I asked if she had changed her mind about the 6 kids she was planning.  I believe just her expression confirmed that yes, perhaps she was a little hasty in thinking 6 was a good number.  And perhaps even at age 25, it is too soon to have children.  

Learning by doing ALWAYS seems to be the way to go.  Here's hoping this lesson sticks with her for 15 more years.

Defining Insanity

Albert Einstein defines insanity as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.  There is a reason why he was considered a genius.  I think he was talking to ME.  And I believe I have hit the insanity threshold.

This week's chosen path towards my inevitable insanity involves employment and financial remuneration...aka "the chore list". I wish I could say this has been an experiment that really only involves some fine tuning, but I'd be lying.  So, I am taking another approach, a similar approach (which I guess is insane on my part) but different in that it involves choice.

Like Einstein, one needs to first define the problem one wishes to address.  In my case, it's many tiered.  At the highest level, the problem is that I have a family of 6 and 4 of them do as little as possible with high expectations of rewards (and yes, I believe we are responsible for that misconception). Second, to force the realization that YES appearances DO matter  (YES children, I am humiliated by the state of the common bathroom when unexpected people stop by, AND YOU SHOULD BE TOO). Third, help them to the realization that this household is NOT a communist household where we follow the motto "from each according to his ability, to each according to his need".  Um...no.  Especially not when weekly Caribou runs at $5/child are deemed a "need".  And finally, which point 3 alludes to, these children need to understand the difference between wants and needs and should be willing to sacrifice to achieve their "wants".  Which addresses receiving financial remuneration for services provided and learning to live within their means.

So, my first step was to take the old chore list and remove any assignments.  Now to be fair, the original chore list which delineates chores assignments by color(it was really pretty too), I had assigned WITH APPROVAL to each child.  That didn't work so well, so it is now back to black and white.  NO chores are assigned to a person.  They are now each assigned a monetary value as well as a frequency.  They get to choose what they do and when they do it.  So, the kitchen needs cleaning after dinner, I'm not going to ask anyone, I'm just going to wait and see who does it.  If they just load the dish washer, they get paid $1.  If they wipe the counters/stove, wash the pots and pans and sweep the floor they get paid more.  I am the arbitrator as to how well a job was done.  Expectations for such jobs are made clear in advance.  They choose not to do chores, they will get NO money.  It seems like a fairly simple concept.

Since we're not good at keeping track of who has received what money in advance, and since they NEED to learn to budget, I made the decision to pay them monthly.  I know, that's a tough one, especially for my oldest daughter who can't seem to keep a nickle in her pocket.  Not every job (as in real employment) she has will pay  her on a weekly basis.  Some will pay every 2 weeks, and some will even pay once/month.  If she can learn to budget the once/month jobs, she can EASILY learn to budget being paid on a more frequent basis.  So, at the end of each month, I will tally up their "financial remuneration" for the month and place that amount in their accounts.  Last time, I made the mistake of paying them FIRST. (I'll give you a moment to ponder the stupidity of that decision)  I won't be making that one again.  Nor will I be providing those "extras" that they seem to be able to finagle from me (I just need to get the husband on board with that).

Of course, I will still match any money they choose to move into savings.  Thus far this hasn't been an issue.  And sadly, I don't see it being an issue with my "new and improved" experiment in insanity and I find that a little sad.  But I have to look at this as this is THEIR loss, not mine.  Hopefully they will one day realize what they gave up by making their wants needs and learn from that error. 

I really think I am toeing the line with regard to this whole insanity gig, just trying to figure out what is going to work with my kids.  Still, there is a tiny part voice that is whispering to me (yes insanity rules), saying..."YOU are a fool.  They are playing you like a deck of cards.  They have no intention of defining their wants and needs, of helping you out, of learning to be responsible people who CARE about appearances.  They are children and they want IMMEDIATE gratification and will settle for no less.  Towards that end, they just need to get you to keep trying these little experiments until they're gone, then they're going to go there merry little way."

And it scares the hell out of me that the tiny little voice may be right.   Which means, as a parent, I have failed.

Failure mixed with insanity, I suspect, never ends well.

Things My Dad Taught Me: Number 736

One of my dad's signature desserts has been a checkerboard cake.  If you have never had a checkerboard cake, well, you've missed out.  It's a 3 layer cake that when you cut into it, the interior resembles a checkerboard, making you scratch your head and wonder...how the heck did he do that?

Well, Dad is something of an experimenter.  Kinda like and "inspector gadget" of the kitchen.  He took 3 9 inch cake pans and made 6 rings in 2 sizes from paper bags to fit concentrically inside the cake pans.  Then he would make a 2 cake batters: one chocolate and one white.  He would then CAREFULLY place them thusly in each of the 3 pans:  in 2 pans starting from the center, he would put chocolate, white, chocolate; in the third pan he would place the batter from the center white, chocolate, white.  Then he would CAREFULLY pull out the paper rings and bake.  When stacked correctly, voila...a checkerboard cake.

I had seen Dad do this several times and knew that I was capable of producing the same cake.  I may have done it once or twice but frankly, it was A LOT of work, what with cutting the bags, getting the rings the EXACT size. Then, I happened to stumble upon one of these several years ago:

It came with 3-9 in pans and a snap on set of rings:

Now, that alleviates some of the issue, but I'll be honest, it's still a lot of work.


So, last week was  a friend's birthday and I volunteered to bring the cake.  Ever a "culinary wanna-be overachiever", I decided to make a checkerboard cake.

Now, I'll tell you a little known secret that my friend Tami clued me in on:  Duncan Hines/Pillsbury/Betty Crocker...they have done all the hard work.  And they're fine.  But if you substitute milk for the water, butter for the oil, and add an extra egg...you will turn that "fine" cake into EXTRAORDINARY.  And so, that's what I did.

I thought I'd be able to pour the batter but really, that didn't work well and I ended up spooning each layer into the rings.  This is to help keep the batter in the like layers before carefully removing the rings.  You can do 2 pans (identical...chocolate, white, chocolate), then you have to wash the rings before doing the third pan in the reverse order (white, chocolate, white).  You should end up with this:

Bake according to the directions for a 9" cake.  Let cool slightly, then remove from the pans and allow to cool completely before frosting.  My preference for frosting is buttercream.  Equal parts butter and butter flavored Crisco (about 1/2 cup each).  Then I start beating in confectioners sugar until it won't take any more.  Then I add vanilla and half and half (or milk) to taste and consistency.  Once I get it where I want it, I remove about 1/3 of the frosting and mix 2-3 Tbs of Karo syrup to make a crumb coat.  The crumb coat is a THIN layer of frosting that will allow some of the crumbs from the cake to roll into the frosting.  DON'T WORRY.  You're going to cover the whole cake with a second layer that will hide all the crumbs.  This is what a crumb coat on one layer looks like:

You will also note that I put wax/parchment paper under the edges of the cake so I can pull them away when the cake is frosted and leave me with a clean serving plate. I also put fresh strawberry slices in between each layer, completed the crumb coat on whole cake, then used the remainder of the frosting to cover the crumb coat.  Then, of course, I had to add a little "bling".  Because that's how I roll.

Here's the best part.  This tasted as good as it looked.  The cake was very moist, the strawberries added a nice surprise and the frosting wasn't coyingly sweet, neither did it leave that film on the roof of your mouth like some bakery frostings will.

Thanks Dad.  Lesson learned.

Fall Ball 2011

Well, it's over.  The build up to each years Fall Ball is a bit unnerving as each year I ponder...can we do better than last year?  Will more people come?  Will they like my food?  Will they have a good time?  Will they come back next year?  It really is enough to keep you up at night wondering.  Of course, that's only a fraction of the questions that clog my brain.  I wonder...will I get the costumes completed and will they work?  Will I get my house cleaned?  Did I over extend myself on the food?  And yes, occasionally I have the nightmare...will we run out of beer?

This year, in keeping with having a theme, I decided that costumes would be of cartoon characters.  In my mind, there were 70 years of characters from which to choose and figured that there was little chance of repeat costumes.  Then, of course, I worried...waiting to hear the words of the Master..."you chose WISELY Grasshopper"*  that someone would have my costume, AND do it better than I. 

With this being our 6th Fall Ball, our 5th costumed Fall Ball, I think I have finally figured out the timing.  I got 70% of my cooking done on Friday.  The Cuban Black Bean soup was made and refrigerated.  I made shrimp salsa and Texas Caviar.  I made a raw apple cake and tried a new recipe for Martha Stewart's Pumpkin Swirl Brownies.  I also put the finishing touches on our costumes.  Saturday I woke up early, knowing I had TONS to do I still laid in bed until 8am before getting up to complete preparations.  I put together a Chicken Tortilla soup using a stock I had made the previous day.  I toasted corn tortilla strips to put on the soup and chopped up some additional toppings for it (cilantro, avocado, red onion, tomato).  I made some guacamole and some cajun spiced pecans.  Right before everyone arrived, I made rice for the black bean soup and fluffy cornbread.

Then I cracked the whip and put the kids to work.  And we were DONE by 1pm.(if only it was always that easy)  Everything was ready.  So I did what most people would do:  I took my oldest daughter out mattress shopping (I don't think I can technically tell you how old her mattress is without fear that CPS will be called on us).  Yes.  I did.  No.  We didn't find what we were looking for.  When we got home, I took step one to my costume:  I dyed my hair red.  Yes.  I'll let you absorb that.  Technically it was called Light Auburn, but it still looked red to me.  I had a back up plan if it was HORRIBLE (that being, my natural hair color in "reserve") but surprisingly, it didn't turn out THAT red**.  Red enough to lend some authenticity to my costume:  the husband and I were Woody and Jessie from Toy Story.

The costumes I made or came from Good will.  Well, except the hats and his boots.  Cowboy boots are hard to find at Good Will.  Happy Anniversary Honey (that was yesterday).

The best part of these costumes is that Woody was "authentic".  Right down to his pull string.  Well, that's not completely accurate.  My husband's Woody's lines were...um...slightly off color.  PG-13 with a possible R rating in some southern states.

Since I KNOW you're dying to know...in order of appearance:

Charlie Brown and Betty Rubble

Followed by Charlie Brown and Snoopy.  

Then Cruella arrived.  Followed by:

Holy Zig-Zag Shirts Batman...is that ANOTHER Charlie Brown with the Great Pumpkin?  Well, hang onto your jericurl, cause you ain't seen nuthin' yet.

Daphne and Fred, who brought Scooby Snacks.

Superman (apparently impersonating Elvis with a bad haircut) with Wonderwoman.  I won't mention how long ago she had a baby except to say I hate her.  Not really.  OK...a little.

Is a party complete with out the Simpsons?  I think not.

Then Clark Kent and Rainbow Bright arrived with Inspect Her Gadget (no...I did NOT mistype).

And Fred and Wilma.

Marge and Homer the second.

Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.

And OMG...what do we have here...Charlie Brown and Lucy.  Did you lose count?  Let me help you out:

There...all better?
And finally:

Popeye and Olive Oyl.

My son stopped by with some of his friends whose parents (3 separate couples) were at our party.  OH...he acted all embarrassed but I know secretly, he was digging it. (yes...I said digging it).***


As you may know from previous years, a Fall Ball isn't a Fall Ball unless my  husband ends up with someone else's wig on his head. This year was no different:

Lucy brought us shot glasses that were actually ice cubes.  Rainbow Bright shows us how it's done:

So, I'm sure you are all wondering...prizes right?  There were prizes.  Best Male Costume went to:

Inspect Her Gadget.  First...the name play.  AWESOME!  Second, the headgear...totally original.  Kudos!
Best Female Costume goes to:

Because see Maggie...she MADE Maggie!  I especially liked how Maggie's eyes went in different directions.  But I'm weird that way.


Best Character Line went to Woody.  Yes, I know, bad form having a host win a prize, but he didn't just have one line.  He used about 8 different lines.  Every time you pulled his string.


Now, here's the part of the night that I loved, Loved, LOVED.  After the voting (from those who remained) was over, the discussion became, what will "we" do for next year's theme.  THIS party was not even over and they're already talking next year.


They like me...they REALLY like me. (OK...my parties...but I'm good with that).


*how lame am I that I reached back to Kung-Fu?
**I also knew from past experience trying to put red hilites in my hair, that it would probably wash out quickly.  2 days post dye and most people don't even notice.
***how do I know he was "digging it"?  Because he came home today with some OTHER friends, all of whom wanted to know what they had to do to get on next years invitation list.

Walk in My Shoes

I have had an internal debate on whether or not I should writing about this, and I finally decided to because I find that writing my thoughts  can be something of a catharsis.  I've spent almost a week thinking about this and feel I can be somewhat objective.  This weekend, it was brought to my attention that people have quit reading my blog because I am perpetually talking about "offloading" my kids.  This took me by surprise.

So, I stayed up one night and read this blog from beginning to end and I.AM.PUZZLED.  I'm hoping I get some responses simply because I'm missing it.  And maybe that's because I am too close and just not seeing it. Now, I will readily admit that I was anxious for the kids to be back in school (as I am every year, for the same reason) because THEY.WERE/ARE.BORED.  And when they're bored, they fight.  Incessantly. Had I not provided a summer of activity for them, I'd take responsibility for that.  But I did.  So I won't.  I don't think it's fair to include my desire to see the kids back in school and engaged in something other than fighting with their siblings as "offloading" so I chose not to include those posts as I perused this blog. 

I found one instance where I commented in a negative way about having my child around and the reality is,  they wouldn't understand it unless they had been there.  All we wanted was to sit and relax and my youngest expected us to entertain her.  On a 19 ft boat.  At 9pm at night.  She was unhappy that we were unwilling and she made sure we knew it.  But by in large,  I believe I am fairly complementary about my kids, however I do not write this blog to be a shrine to them.  For the  most part, they're great kids.  But sometimes they're little shits.  Yeah...I said it.  And I'm not going to apologize because EVERYONE, at some point in their parenting years, will think of their kids in this manner.  If you don't, then you're drugged and you just don't care.

Here is the thing:  I am with my kids 24/7.  If I am not with them, then I am at their beck and call.  I don't do things for me because, for the most part, it is too difficult to arrange seeing THEIR needs are met seamlessly. (I was trying to think of the last time I had time away from them that was for no other reason than *I* wanted/needed it; it was about 5 years ago, when my husband and I went to Mexico) Then, it would follow that when they have the opportunity to go someplace, whether it be a friend sleepover, or a church event, I am enthusiastic.  I keep track of Sleepover Syndrome and will not allow sleepovers if I see attitude problems arise (which, means *I* double suffer: one their syndrome, and two their anger at being prevented another sleepover) .  So, this isn't all about me and my needs.  Just having one less child on any given night changes the dynamic of our interactions. For example, one of my girls talks non-stop.  If she's not there then we get a chance to hear the other kids.  This past week was Fall Retreat with church and my older two girls went.  We got to see a dynamic of JUST my son and his little sister and how they interact without interruption of his other sisters butting in (and let's be clear, they DO butt in).

The reality of my situation is that it is NOT their situation.  It never will be.  I have 4 individual little souls for whom I am responsible for seeing to their welfare.  And if you DO read this blog you will see that they are for the most part as different as night and day and normally I celebrate those differences.  But, when you put them all together they don't typically act on their similarities, but rather their differences which puts me in referee mode.  Constantly.  So go ahead and judge me for wanting to remove the stripes for an evening or two.

I asked my oldest daughter, who keeps pretty close tabs on this blog, if there was anything that I had written that she felt was inappropriate or showed her and/or her siblings in a bad light and she responded no.  She said that I typically write about our life.  The good, the bad and the ugly.  That set my mind at ease.

I think, really, it comes down to perspective.  They don't walk in my shoes.  And don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining.  I happen to love my shoes.  They fit me well.  But if they're going to make judgements on my shoes, then perhaps they should walk a mile in them.  Then get back to me.

And funny enough, this blog is NOT required reading.  Anywhere. I do this for ME.  I write because I hope to someday print off my blog for my kids to read when THEY have kids and hopefully they will see that, yeah this parenting gig isn't always easy.  Sometimes it's tough.  Sometimes it's funny.  Sometimes I try to make tough situations funny.  I want my kids to know that if I can do it (and survive) they can too.  I have chosen not to do ANY advertising (except for the blogs that I like reading) so I don't get paid for people coming to read my blog.  This is nothing more that a little voyeurism into our family life written from my perspective.  But if they can't understand my perspective, don't hesitate to make use of the little "x" in the upper right corner.  I promise, I won't be offended.

Fallout

YIKES...I didn't realize it was that long since Homecoming and I never updated the outcome.  So, here it is.

When we last left our overly emotional highly strung mother who has a tendency towards acting first and thinking second (although, in her defense, I will say that she had her husband and son and daughter proof read the email that went to the administration before sending), she was awaiting word from the administration as to how they were planning on handling this situation.  And when the word came from the principal it was "this email left me befuddled.  I would be happy to have a face to face or telephone conversation with you."

UM...anyone getting the feeling that there are some serious wires crossed?

Me too.

So, I called, and set up a phone appointment where the principal would call me at a given time.  When the call came through,  the principal was in her car, on her way from a local t-shirt place, attempting to find some resolution/fix to the SOPHOMORE t-shirts.  The ones that said "Bust the Trojans".  According to my daughter (who spoke with the designer) the logo was fully approved by the administration. (and I'm going to call BS on that...the administration is NOT going to approve a condom referenced slogan).  Then they supposedly back peddled.  The final resolution for the Sophomore shirts was that "Bust" had to be taped over if the shirt was to be worn in school.   

The Senior shirt issue was more complicated, I think because there were more "fingers in the pot"...so to speak.  The principal stated, flat out to me (and to the Seniors) that she wasn't a fan of the second shirt ("Sit Down!") and it is her wish that they not wear them in school.  She said she didn't say that they COULDN'T, but that she would hoped they wouldn't simply because she had asked them not to.  My question on how did they get approved was never really answered to my satisfaction.  I suspect this is where the "fingers" of the assistant administration came into play and in an attempt to back her administration while playing the "inclusive" game, she made the decision she did.

We did talk a little about the "animosity" that she perceives as being present between the classes.  Things like, during pep fests, when the Juniors do their class chant the other classes boo.  And she sees this as disrespectful.  I see this as normal class rivalry and forcing "niceness" is going to backfire.  In fact, my son said that they didn't boo the other classes during the pep fest, instead they all pulled out newspapers and feigned indifference.  So, which is worse? A reaction or none?


End game was the boy wore his "Seniors are taking over the world" shirt to school and his "sit down" shirt to the game.  Which I guess is a fair resolution.  But the burning question is how did this get to this point?  Was there not a procedure in place where the administration approved the shirts and signed off on them making this whole situation moot? 
 
It's over. Things are back to normal, whatever normal is.  The last home football game is today.  Our team has an undefeated season, which I should say is a LONG.TIME.COMING.  And my son wore his "Sit Down!" shirt to school today.  We'll see how that goes over.