Twisted Knickers

Did ya ever have one of those days when you felt like your knickers were perpetually twisted?  And then there is one thing that pushes you over the edge.  Well, I think I'm there.  And ironically, it's not something I SHOULD allow myself to be all twisted over because in the grand scheme of things, it really isn't important.  But do we ever get to choose that which is the last straw?  At least for any given day?

I won't get into specifics, because it really isn't important.  What is important is feeling marginalized.  Like efforts you  make don't matter.  That you don't count.  Yeah.  I'm there.   That thought process that says, "what is it going to take to matter?" or even questioning...DO I make a difference?  Maybe what it important to you isn't AS important to others.  Makes you stop and think.

Again, in the grand scheme of things, it's not something that will rule my life.  But it has been an eye opener and something that I need to give deeper consideration than I have in the past.  Like many things in my life I'm trying to listen to an inner voice and heed the warnings.  I think part of my problem is that when I give of myself, I'm all in.  And maybe others have a different definition of "all in" than I do.  Am I to blame?  Are others?  Clearly it's an expectation issue.  And this tends to fall to me for setting my expectations too high.

So that begs the question...ARE my expectations set too high?  Is common courtesy now a high expectation?  Like holding a door with someone with full hands (or even not)?  Like pausing to let someone cross in front of you?  I can name a whole list of these and in this day and age, I think the answer is yes.  Common courtesy has become too high of an expectation.  And how and when did that happen?  Probably when I was too busy giving too much of myself and didn't notice (OR...did I/have I?)

What does one do?  I think I need to take a (couple) giant step(s) back an gain a different perspective.  The obvious one is the visual one.  Up close, my "problem" seems bigger but maybe my issue isn't as big as I perceive it.  The next less obvious one is that perhaps this is what I need for prioritizing.

And it should start with me.  Because, as I've learned, if I don't prioritize me, who will?

 

PS...I found this in my draft folder (dated Jan 17, 2013) which I think is hilarious that our issues never really go away.  You just tuck them out of sight.  And it seemed to be a perfect prelude to my next post.  So stay tuned.