THAT Child

 

 

 

She came into my bedroom at o'dark thirty to show me this hat.

 

Which got me thinking.  When I restarted this blog I did so with the intent that this wasn't going to be about my kids and how parenting them was HARD.  Well, since it's my blog I'm going to take a moment of personal privilege. NO, it's not a birthday where all praises are the order of the day.  It's just your yearly St. Patrick's Day.  And no, the day, in and of itself, doesn't really call for one child to be singled out, but that's what I'm gonna do.

First (and there's always a preface), with 4 kids, they are constantly reminding me of how I love one of my children more than the rest.  Which is patently false.  I love each of my children DIFFERENTLY from their siblings.  But they don't see that.  They see only that I don't get mad at one as often...or that one "gets away" with more shit than they do.  They see my love through the prism of their experience and I can't change that.  But it isn't QUANTITY...it's QUALITY.  And quality looks different to different people.

So that said let's talk about life with Red.  Because, I am living with the adult version and it is challenging.  She is SO VERY OPINIONATED and I know she gets that from my side of the family.  I have it a little (those who know me, you just shut up), but OMG...my sister and my aunt (my mom's sister) had it in SPADES.  My mom used the phrase that "they went to the beat of their own drum" (and mom passed when I was 4 months pregnant with Red...she would have laughed SOOOO hard at me now) and this is accurate. They are/were all CRAZY (as in, so much that their pores ooze it) intelligent, and draw conclusions on what they know, not necessarily on what is/was fact.  Both can exist at the same time (as in, there are facts out there that they might not necessarily know).  But you can't convince them of this.  If they don't know it, it is not fact.  So...you see the challenge. And in all cases, they rarely own up to their mistakes.  They don't project or deflect.  They just ignore.  And you should too (or so they think).

 

From day one, this child was NOTHING like my other two (at the time). Again...why they don't get treated the same.  She didn't take a binky, choosing instead her index and middle finger as her paci, and if you were holding her, the other hand went directly to your earlobe.  No passing go, not collecting $200.  It didn't matter who was holding her, friend, foe, Jack the Ripper, this is what she did.  The earlobe thing she grew out of in her toddler years, but the fingers took much longer.  She was probably around 8 when SHE decided she was done and SHE was going to solve the problem.  So she wrapped tissue around her fingers and taped it there.  This was more of a nightly thing because it was done in her sleep. With a week she was done.  All on her own.

All through her school years she did not give ONE RIP about what people thought of her(I'm guessing she did, but she never let anyone see it)  Case in point: the green fuzzy hat(see above pic).  So her older sister went with friends to Mall of America and she won (I think) this lime green fuzzy bucket hat.  Red absconded with it wore it EVERYWHERE.  Probably for a good year.  When she graduated HS, I found the hat, I washed it up and sent it out with all of her close friends, to take picture of themselves wearing it at all of her favorite places around town.  Then a scrapbook of all the pictures was created.  I think that scrapbook was probably one of her favorite graduation gifts.

Once she turned 18 (her senior year), I knew my influence over her was done, but I hoped lessons in restraint (at least) were learned.  And I knew this when she decided to get her nose pierced.  I SO did not want this, but for my own reasons.  BUT...I knew she was going to do it so I tried to be as supportive as possible.  While this isn't MY thing, for her, it very much suits her personality.  And of course, as I expected once she realized she was on the road to "self realization", the tattoos came.  Now, I CAN'T get my panties in a twist over this having one myself (for myself), but as in real estate...Location, Location, Location.  She has mostly small tattoos but they hold meaning for her (R for Remy, Golden for Gophers, her Virgo sign, 444, etc)  Again, she is an adult and I'm just thankful she doesn't have giant flames shooting out of her ass, so you look for the positive.  And the reality is they suit her, the woman she has become.

 

She's my thrifter.  Now, I'm not a thrifter in the sense that she is, but I LOVE me a good bargain.  She is my treasure hunter in a world others consider trash and is able to find some of the most amazing deals and transform them into something that takes an imagination I simply do not have.  Clothes, collectables, ordinary things...she touches and POOF, they are now extraordinary.

 

The one area where she zagged where I though she would remain zigged was hair color.  She has gradually lightened her beautiful titian colored hair to a very pretty strawberry blonde, which fit her and was very attractive, but it just seemed so opposite to what I have come to know her actions to be.  She was never one to follow a trend and look like everyone else and her having this stunning hair color that set her apart and was who she was, was part of the package. In essence, her zagging baffled me.  One of those times with her that I've just had to say (mostly to myself), she'll figure it out. *see post script

With Red being a new college graduate, she is finding herself.  Her degree is in Psychology and she hopes to one day continue with her education eventually in the forensics world, "but that takes tools(money)...that takes time" and she needs to get her feet under her in this world of adulting.  So she obtained her first post college full time employment:  she is managing a Boxing Gym.

Because...WHAT ELSE WOULD THIS CHILD DO????

She has already made such amazing growth strides that I am certain this is a great fit for her.  In addition to typical office type manager duties, she is learning how to manage people, to be tactful, she gets to party plan (getting paid to do what she loves to do), and she is teaching boxing classes (as a beginner) to Parkinsons patients (for muscle control.  Side bar: my grandmother had Parkinsons, and her tremors were REALLY bad so this just makes my heart swell).

This woman...she OOZES self confidence in a way I simply cannot fathom.  Now I get a huge part of this is my conservative nature.  She would call it prude which to be honest makes me a little sad.  I don't think I am TOO propriety oriented, but I do think there is a level of decorum that society on a whole should adhere to, whether it's your clothing, your actions or your language. I don't want them codified but I also would expect people would use good sense.  Those aren't high expectations (which I readily admit I have).  I am in the "just because you can doesn't mean you should" camp, and she's in the "do it and see what happens" camp although I do try to look at her approach positively, admiring her bravado, while wishing she thought (she doesn't) that mine is ALSO ok.

So let me recap.  Red is very much her own person.  She is strong, opinionated and self confident.  She has the will to find a way (if SHE chooses).  She has a giving heart and tries to look for the best in people, sometimes to a fault (you can't and shouldn't always ignore the ugly). She is my Lucy in a world of Kardashians and I am so grateful I got to parent her and hopefully be part of who she has become.  Even if it was just a little.

*PS...for those who have seen her recent pictures, know she is pretty blonde now.  She has decided to my everlasting delight to return to her natural roots.  Lucy indeed.